gaslighting, abuse PSA, ableist term
Remember, "you're too sensitive" is just "you're crazy and not worthy of empathy or being listened to" wearing the thinnest of disguises.
When you hear it, run.
gaslighting, abuse PSA, clarification
This doesn't mean that you are never sensitive, or that people should never mention it. I say this as someone who really *is* overly sensitive (hello ADHD and RSD), but had that used against me for decades in abusive ways that did nothing to help me manage my sensitivity.
It can be helpful to say, "You seem sensitive about this, and I'd like to learn more about what's stressful to you so I can avoid accidentally hurting you."
It can also be helpful to say, depending on the nature and closeness of the relationship and if it's established that no lines are crossed, "You're obviously suffering and maybe you could learn healthier ways to cope with this."
It can EVEN be hard but honest to say, "I'm sorry, I can't accommodate you the way you need to be. Maybe we should have some space."
However, "You are too sensitive which automatically invalidates your pain and means I can keep on doing whatever the fuck I like no matter how you're hurting lol" is abuse. That is gaslighting. It helps no one except the speaker, certainly not the person who *by the the speaker's own admission* is in inordinate pain. If someone's reaction to your pain is to laugh at you and then keep hurting you, they don't care about you. This is abusive behavior.
And sadly because privileged fragility has too often worn the mask of disabled/neurodivergent rights, I should add that the op emphatically does not apply to people pointing out the fragility of white people in race discourse, cis men in gender discrimination etc. Fuck out of here with comparing defensiveness at structural privilege to trauma and neurodivergence, I'm not here for that ableist bullshit.
So, yeah, I've seen these attitudes out there, even from people who really should be required to know better. :-/
@woozle ugh it's unfortunate that I can't discount that person being a therapist, as the profession is rife with bias, manipulation and gaslighting :/ It's why a lot of people who need psychiatric help end up dropping out or getting even worse than before. I'm sorry you were put through that just for moderating your instance.
@ljwrites Ennh, it's all part of the "job" I've taken on and I don't really mind engaging with it (I certainly could have just blocked them, either from my account or for my whole instance, and I don't think any of my users would have been displeased had I done so); it's just disheartening that someone who is supposedly a professional feels so entitled to ignore any evidence or arguments against their position.
Thanks for the supportive thoughts, though
@woozle I'm just happy we have that whole instance blocked off; what the user is spouting is very much in line with the instance policy, which is evidently to federate with everyone
Generalist Hometown instance with a strong focus on community standards. No TERF, no SWERF, no Nazi, no Centrist.